Thursday, December 15, 2011


      I hate people. People are literally the most annoying thing to me however, I like to please people. I get satisfaction from the feeling that I have some sort of power of their emotions, it's nice to feel like I can control an aspect of other people's lives. However, I hate letting other people have that similar power over me, people don't make me happy, I make my own happiness so suck that comedians: your funny isn't enough funny.
       But now here's something different: I'm pretty smart. You couldn't tell, right? I use the occasional big word and sometimes I try in class. I could try but I hate it so much, not English or Choir, or theatre but math and science just don't click so I don't try. Okay, this was an enough of a small rant. Bye!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Let's Talk

              Acting has never been and will never be about recognition. I don't want to be famous. I never want to be famous. I just want to be on stage because I love it. I don't love it for the attention, I love it because I don't have to be me. I love not being me it's my favorite thing in the entire world. I love me, don't get me wrong but not being myself is really nice. I get to step out of my body and see the world from a different perspective.
               I don't care how much money I make (if any) and I don't care how I live. I just want to be doing what I love. I don't understand why there's drama. I have no self-confidence: I don't think I have talent, but I know that I love what I'm doing. That's pretty much it. Goodnight.

Monday, November 28, 2011

My Rules To Relationships

1. Do not make out in stores, it's weird and gross.
2. PDA is nasty. Don't do it.
3. Don't be clingy!
4. If it is illegal don't do it.
5. Life is not a romantic comedy; don't kiss people in the rain: you'll get a cold.
6. You don't love somebody after a week, calm down.
7. Wait, Jesus, you'll still be fertile in 10 years.
8. If it's over it isn't the end of the world.
9. You don't love somebody after a month.
10. You are not god damn Romeo and Juliet, if your parents don't like him/ her it's okay.

Thursday, October 20, 2011


             I refuse to believe that I am not perfect. This is mostly due to the fact I believe that perfection is whatever you choose it to be. And if this is so, why the hell wouldn't I be perfect?! Sure, there are lots of things I would change about myself: my man voice, my height, my looks, and my intelligence. Isn't that what makes us human though? Imperfection makes perfection. (A paradox Ms. Hammons would be proud of.)
             I used to try to make myself seem more Italian then I am. Truth is I'm 2/3 Prussian and 1/3 Italian and anyway my family is more like "The Olive Garden Italian." These people are those Italians. So, you're welcome for that. As I've been in high school I've realized that I don't care what people what people have to say to me or think about me. I am my own person and I don't need someone who isn't my parents or my siblings trying to run my life. Give me a cat and and warm sweater and I'll be a happy camper.
            So, back to perfection, I believe that if people are willing to admit it to themselves they will see their own perfection. They will see what I see in myself: a person who knows what they've been through, knows what they want from their life and is pretty good with who they are. So yes, I am perfect. I challenge you to say why you're perfect because if you say you are, you are. So goodnight. My cat and I are going to chill and have some Silk Dark Chocolate Almond Milk (my favorite drink excluding Diet Coke). Bye now.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011


               Even with swim season I'm going to attempt NaNoWriMo this year. I've been trying to do it  for the past two years but nothing has come of it. So here's a blog post about all of my dumb ideas that don't work, won't work, and make me cry at night.

- Buffy like drama but only she can see the monsters
-Girl falls in love with best friend, he goes into coma blah blah blah.
-short stories about a girl while she's drowning
-short stories about a musician gaining YouTube fame.
-two people falling in love but they fall in love in a cross-roading fashion

           Maybe one of these will work this year. Maybe it'll be okay, here's hoping. Sorry that this was short but I needed to talk about it with someone who wouldn't interject their ideas.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

My Future Plan and How to Get One like It.

     I plan to live alone--or with a gay roomate preferably named Stefahn: do you know one? In my lonely apartment my cat, Barry Gibb, and I will have peace and quite because I will refuse to have parties or even small get togethers. Let it be known, however, that I am, in fact, a people person. I do not like people but when they are around I thrive. People are all that keep me from talking to myself in quite tones with varied inflection pretending to be different people. If Stefahn and I lived together I'm sure there'd be drunken parties and strange gay boys crying to me about their boy problems while I lament on mine as well every night. How would I get in my night-time car cries with people in my tiny apartment?!
      I also intend on not getting married. Men take effort and that's something that I will not be willing to put forth during my mad audition phase and my whinney I didn't get in phase. I'll leave the boys for Stefahn, maybe even for Barry Gibb: who am I to judge my cat's preferences? I know I will not make much money but the intention is for there to be enough for BeeGee and I to get along. I look forward to many weeks of Ramen noodles in my future, it's good that I love them. If I ever leave the apartment I'm sure it'll be to take Mr. BeeGee to the vet or myself to the ER. I know it's silly to see such a bleak future but I don't want to be that person who sees everything as shiny kittens and rainbow riding Celine Dion look-a-likes and then have all my hopes dashed. I prefer to see NYC as the cold place it will be, I'll be happy either way. Okay, so maybe if I met the real Celine it'd be better. Oh well, my heart will go on.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Yeah. That's Why.

     Today is "Wacky Wednesday"  which I take to mean "Would You Be My Friend if I Dressed like this Day." So, I dressed normally seeing as no one will be my friend anyway. All jokes aside, I have friends. FishCat counts.  Who is FishCat, you ask? Well, he is the best stuffed animal/ friend ever. He is very hard to explain: the only way I can see to explain him is part fish; part cat. Hence the name.  FishCat listens to my secrets and doesn't eat my food. Could I ask fo a better friend? Well, maybe I could but I feel like that may require effort.
      When I am alone, I talk to FishCat and when I'm feeling especially lonely he talks back. The other day we had a conversation wherein he implied that I needed to get out more. It's probably true, but here I am: inside. So when I look down and you ask what's wrong, now you know: FishCat was being a bitchy friend. Yeah. That's why. . .


Thursday, August 25, 2011

My Chem Teacher Must Think I Have ADD

            I love my Chemistry class, sure, I'm not that good at it but I have a really awesome teacher and a very nice class size. However, everyday when I walk in there the teacher sees me and thinks I am a ridiculous little kid, maybe I am. . . no, I definitely am. I wonder if it's the fact that I draw things to help me pay attention, i.e. average bears, or possibly it's the fact that I'm not ever normal when she sees me. Anytime she looks over at me I am sure to making a face, flailing, or threatening Lexi and Kristen with punches in the face. Okay, maybe it's all those things because what else screams ADD like face making, seizure-like movement, and violence? Nothing. I know I'm a crazy person but c'mon, I would give anything for this teacher to see me do one thing normally. Maybe I should just sit there one day but I bet she'll ask if something's wrong and I'll break down begging her not to hate me. That sounds like something I'd do. Oh well. I can't think of anymore to say which is sad because this has been shorter than an eighth grade formal dress. So good night my angels. I'm going to bed, you probably should too because you can burn calories while you sleep!!! Maybe I should watch Dance Moms. . .

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Candles that Smell like Boys, The Plan for My Cat, and a Few Other Things.

             1. Candles that Smell like Boys:
                    I love it when boys smell good, therefore, I love it when things--such as candles--smell like boys.  I know it's weird, but I really love the musky and sweet smell of a guy so one day my sister-in-law bought an amazing boy smelling candle.  I walked into Jessica's room and was instantly hit  by the wonderful boy smell and nearly melted. I don't remember what the name was but I know it was a Yankee Candle and I don't know why I told you about this but whatever.

            2. The Plan for My Cat:
                     Like my older sister, when I go into my sophomore year of college I am getting a kitten. I want to get a Maine Coon kitten, if you don't know,  Maine Coons are BIG cats and are also very hairy. So when I get what I hope to be a brown male Maine Coon, I will name him Barry Gibb and get him a kitten white leisure suit. Yes, I know that I'm weird.

                 I'm a cat person. I love sweaters and wearing sweatpants. I am a swimmer and I love/hate it. I have no confidence in my writing and I am scared to make a YouTube video even though I really want to. That's it. Thanks. Goodbye. Goodnight. Smell a puppy, buy a sweater.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

No Officer, I'm not Homeless.

            Now that I have a car I feel like I'm going to become a night-time-car-crying people. . . yes, it needed that many hyphens.  I feel like I'll be out there sobbing my eyes out listening to "The Love Songs of Motown" and singing to myself, eventually falling asleep. I assume at this point an nice police man (woman)  will come knock on my car door and ask if I need to get to a shelter. To this, I shall reply, "Oh no officer, I'm not homeless, I just come out here to cry." At this point, I'm assuming that he'll (she'll) ask if I'm drunk and at this point I'll cry some more and explain that most people think that I am a drunk and this is why I am alone crying in my Ford Taurus in the first place.
              By nature I'm a crier. I can just imagine myself also being a car crier, and it's surely not a good thing to be.  Also, by nature I am reckless. . . crying + recklessness= bad news bears. Which then by the process of substitution: I am bad news bears! In case you do not know, bad news bears aren't a good thing.

In other news:

              I want to be an anti-drug advocate for like high schools and stuff.  I'd stumble onto the stage and say, "Dude! I'm so high right now!" The students will laugh and when it dies down I'd yell, "On life!" After which the students would boo and I would do my talk on how to not do drugs in today's adverse world, one of the last of the 90's babies preaching to the 10's babies. It's scary, I know. Well, that's all I have to say tonight. Live in a mediocre fashion and love with a little more than mediocre passion. Stuff your face and have a happy week. Goodnight, goodbye, and all that jazz. Amen, praise the almighty Overlord Google.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Notebooks and My Failures.

             I write songs.  Well, that's not entirely true, I try with full intentions to write songs and do not succeed.  However, I have the tools to write songs: ideas, chords, a piano, and paper.  Every year before school I buy a five subject notebook, preferably Five Star, it's my favorite. These notebooks are beaten to death in my bag every year because I am sure that I'll need it.  I buy this notebook with the ridiculous notion that by the end of that year it will be filled with great ideas and full songs. At first when I get the notebook  I nick name it "Project Inspiration" (I'm currently on volume number IV) and eventually it becomes known as "The Dicking Around Book."
              In the Five Star five subject there are four pockets, I label the front of the pocket to indicate what will be behind it, the subjects in TDAB are as follows: 0- this has no pocket and is the first section which is known as the distraction section (it's pretty much the only one that ever gets used.) 1.- Titles and Ideas, this section holds things before they are actually worth anything. 2.- WIPs a.k.a. works in progress, this pocket forwards somethings that are pretty cool but then get discarded after a month or two. 3.- Rewrites, after the pocket there is nothing in vol. IV, I haven't had many ideas this year. And finally 4.- Finished Works, again there is nothing here.
                Maybe it's the fact that I'm still in high school and haven't lived very long or maybe it's because I never have anytime but I have done nothing with my life and this ism expressed in the failure to write in my TDAB.  I think it's because I have done nothing in the past week but worry about singing at my brother's wedding that this has not even had an ounce of good content here. Sorry. Barely anyone reads my blog anyway. Oh well. Well for lack of a better ending I leave you with this: And the little bird died. Amen, Hallelujah,  Don't change, I love you. Blah blah blah, whatever. Good story, right?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Wikipedian Expertism in the Field of Maria von Trapp

            Anyone who is in possession of any sense knows that reading the Wikipedia page on something makes you a total expert on that thing. So today I sat down and skimmed the article on a woman whose name I share, in fact the very woman whose musical I am named after" Mrs. Maria von Trapp.  Now, after vaguely reading about her I realized that Ms. Maria and I have very little in common. Firstly, we have our name. Secondly, same birth month. Thirdly, we both sing (sang, in her case) That's pretty much it. However, I found out that I was born two days before the anniversary of Mrs. von Trapp's own date of birth, eerie, right?

             I hate The Sound of Music (the musical), when I was younger I didn't understand that it may be better to tell people yes when they ask if you were named after West Side Story, the song is more forgiving. But no, I always answered with my almost von Trapp heritage and promptly after my answer would be serenaded with  "How Do Solve a Problem Like Maria." This is not okay, world. For all little girls named Maria, I feel for you. It sucks and you grow up to completely deplore, with all your being, The Sound of Music. Somehow West Side Story doesn't get to you, maybe it's because he's falling for Maria, not trying to fix her.  I mean, c'mon, who wants to be told they need fixing?
            So, of course, I have always had a bit of a resentment. Who else got the teasing and partially ruined childhood because of this? Probably lots of little Maria's. When my life eventually gets made into a musical there will be a song about this hatred. Then every single little Maria will have new songs to be bombarded with, they'll thank me just as I've thanked Maria von Trapp, a blog rant. However, rest in peace, Maria, because one day when I meet you, you shall have some explaining to do.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Importance of Being Average

         I'm an actress, in fact, I intend on continuing said acting throughout my entire life and making it a career. However, I consider myself to average, and by average I mean amazing. I, myself, am great. Now, I'm not one to brag  but what else has two thumbs and things they're the most fabulous actor ever? Everyone in New York City, I know.
          I decided that I was going to be an actress at age ten while in Hawaii discovering my fear of fish, forever killing my dream of Marine Biology. This was also the time that I was auditioning for my first musical: Godspell Jr. , I sang "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music. I'm named after that musical. I deplore it. However, I thought that I sang that song amazingly but I didn't get in. It took two years for me to actually get cast and another three after that to get a leading role.
           So I've decided to write this blog, to be like every other nerdy teenager. So here world, for once: I'm mediocre.